Sadness. Anger. Helplessness. Isolation. Grief. Numbness. Heartbreak. Guilt. Distraction. Pick your emotion, or emotional cluster—it changes on a moment’s notice.

‘‘My heart goes out to menwhen their loved ones get the news that they have breast cancer,’’ says Dr. Mary Jane Massie, a psycho-oncologist at Memorial Sloan-Kettering. ‘‘There is a tremendous burden on men to do the right thing.’’

All this stress creates an abyss, which Henri J. M. Nowen, author of The Inner Voice of Love, describes as ‘‘a deep hole in your being.’’ The abyss is a terrible feeling of aloneness, of being on the outside, not only with others but also with yourself.