The Big C. It’s a new show, starring Laura Linney, on Showtime. Yes, it’s about just what it says it’s about. I haven’t seen it yet, but Linney is supposedly fantastic. I will try to get to it tonight. You can see a free preview of the show. Just go to The Big C

There is great concern about the long-term  impact of today’s  recommendation by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force that women in their 40s who have average risk generally don’t need regular screening and that women 50 to 74 should cut back and get mammograms no more than once every two years. How is this standing by her, at all? Here’s the link

Disease is so limited. It cannot cripple love. it cannot shatter hope. It cannot corrode faith. It cannot eat away peace. It cannot destroy confidence. It cannot kill friendship. It cannot shut out memories. It cannot silence courage. It cannot invade the soul. It cannot reduce eternal life. It cannot quench the spirit.

Sadness. Anger. Helplessness. Isolation. Grief. Numbness. Heartbreak. Guilt. Distraction. Pick your emotion, or emotional cluster—it changes on a moment’s notice.

‘‘My heart goes out to menwhen their loved ones get the news that they have breast cancer,’’ says Dr. Mary Jane Massie, a psycho-oncologist at Memorial Sloan-Kettering. ‘‘There is a tremendous burden on men to do the right thing.’’

All this stress creates an abyss, which Henri J. M. Nowen, author of The Inner Voice of Love, describes as ‘‘a deep hole in your being.’’ The abyss is a terrible feeling of aloneness, of being on the outside, not only with others but also with yourself.

The first, and certainly the heaviest, emotion that a woman experiences when told she has breast cancer is a fear of death. The implications are devastating.

If she has a husband, she wonders how he will get along without her. If she has kids, she asks herself what’s going to happen to them. If she is young and hasn’t had kids yet, or has never even been married, she wonders whether she will ever have children—or a husband—at all.

The next emotional wave that washes over her after diagnosis is a feeling of loss. She feels that her health, independence, and happiness have all been unfairly taken away from her. Her anxiety increases with all the delays involved in getting the medical test results back. Most acutely, she feels a loss of control over her life—that her destiny is in the hands of others.

She’s just been diagnosed with breast cancer. You can hardly breathe. You’re scared, angry, panicked, all that the same time. What do you do, right here, right now?

Go with the Starting 5:

1. Listen.
   Listen, listen. Listen.  You need to stop talking, and hear what she’s feeling, thinking, wanting.
2. Follow, don’t lead.
   It’s her body, her decisions, and her time frame on how and what needs to be done;  not yours.
3. Laugh.
   Laughter is the great healer.  Just make sure you laugh WITH her, not at her. She’s never been more vulnerable than now. So make her feel good with humor.
4. Show your love.
   Hold her, kiss her, hug her. Get her little gifts. And compliment her. Make her feel good about herself, as a woman.
5. Get support.
   1. For her -from her doctors, nurses, friends and family, and if that’s not enough, from her church or other charitable organizations like lotsahelpinghands.com, and…
   2. For you too – from friends, family, your church,  and from other members of your Stand by Her brotherhood waiting to help here at standbyher.org. This is your journey too.